25c. Second draft of film

After getting target audience feedback from our first draft, we made some changed, including adding credits at the end and also adding some music in order to make the film more dramatic.

This is our second draft of our film:


I then showed this film to our media teacher and she gave us these further changes to make that she felt would make the film stronger:

• To add more shorts of Josh and Amy in their montage, such as in different locations

- Although we thought this was a good idea, we no longer had any time to re-film some shots. This however is something that we would do if we could re-film or had more time as it would give the effect of a more developed relationship as they have spent more time together, rather than just being on one date.

• To get rid of the panning shot at the very beginning of our film

- This is because it is not a very smooth pan. Again, it is something we would re-film if we had time. We did try to edit out this pan by using a cut-away shot, however, we could not make this work so it gave a good effect.

• When Josh walks out of the room, have him get up off of the bed straight away instead of showing him sitting for a few seconds before

-This is something we did managed to change and he now stands up off the bed immediately.

• To add the sound effect of a TV when Josh and his mother are watching TV in the living room, as this would make it more clear what was happing

-We also managed to do this. We added a clip of the BBC news soundtrack over the top of the scene. If we could re-film we would also use a close up of the TV to add even more clarity tot he situation.

• To cut down some of the shots of the montage of the gang in order to make it tighter, such as the shot of them walking down the street and also their handshake.

-We did do this, we halved the length of the shot of the gang walking down the street, as this still gave the same effect but make the montage have more fast paced editing. We also cut off the end of the shot of the handshake as again, it still give the same effect without it and made the montage tighter.

• Cut the shot of Amy walking over to sit next to Josh in the corridor, so that Amy comes into shot sooner

- We cut a lot off of the beginning of the shot so now Amy is seen to walk into shot almost straight away.

• Add in a close up of the teacher shouting at Josh, as this would show more of his anger

- We had filmed a close-up of this already. However, because the actor was constantly moving throughout the shot, there was no time that we was able to add the close up in without causing a jump cut which didn't look nice.

• Add more shots of Josh's bedroom after he has destroyed it

-Although we already had one shot of this, when Josh walks out of the bedroom, it would be good to focus on different specific elements of the room as this would focus more on it.

• To cut down the short of Josh walking over to the gang to give back the knife, as it showed too much of the walk over which was unnecessary.

-We also cut down this shot and only showed half of what was in the first second draft, this makes the short shorter and more dramatic.